2025 Prairiesattva Update Q1
Happy New Year, Everyone!
I hope the holidays treated you well and that the new year is off to a good start.
I know for some, it’s been a challenge to find the motivation to get back into the work routine after having some time off. That’s come up several times in coaching calls I’ve had since the beginning of the year. Some are even questioning the purpose of it all.
It’s completely natural to feel this way after a break. When we’re going through the motions of everyday life, there’s usually not much space to contemplate why we’re doing what we’re doing. We just do it. Then when a break happens, that space is created and we begin to ponder what could be.
Then before we know it we’re right back into the thick of things and put those thoughts to the side until the next break. Over time, we see this for what it is - a cycle.
Cycles are part of life, but change only comes about when we recognize that a particular cycle doesn’t serve us. It’s this moment of awareness that invites us to do something about it and get curious about what life would look like if we stepped out of that cycle.
A simple equation I use to break a cycle is Awareness + Practice + Intention = Change.
We need to be aware of what’s happening and have a good understanding why our internal system is stuck in a particular cycle. Knowing this, we create daily practices to interrupt the habits that keep us in the cycle. And to keep us committed to the daily practices, we need to understand our intention, or “why,” for seeking this change.
Consider this an invitation to look at any cycles that might not be serving you as you enter 2025.
Now onto some things I’m working on this quarter…
TL;DR
Completed IFS Training
Coming out to illness
Ketamine Retreats
IFS Training
Last quarter I mentioned that I had started my IFS coaching training and was learning how to apply IFS methodology to coaching. I completed that training at the beginning of December and can safely say that it’s taken my coaching to the next level.Applying IFS, or “parts work,” to the process of radical self-inquiry opens up so much in terms of discovering why we do the things we do. I talk often about getting out of an autopilot way of living, and parts work is such a powerful tool to do that.
Parts work allows us to do a deep investigation into the thoughts and actions that dominate the vast majority of our waking (and also sleeping) hours. Since we’re blended with these parts much of the time, we think we are them, and they think they’re us. It’s not until we unblend from them that we can witness that impact that they’ve had on our lives.
I’ve had many clients over the years who experience imposter syndrome. Until I went through this training, my understanding of imposter syndrome was that it’s a form of negative self-talk and through positive thinking it could be overcome.
While positive thinking does help, it’s really just masking the issue. Through a parts work lens, I now understand that there’s a part inside a person that was formed sometime in the past that is protecting them from harm by introducing thoughts like, “You’re not good enough to do this work” or “Don’t you know you’re the dumbest person in the room” or “Everyone will laugh at you if you try to do this.”
The part has good intentions in that it doesn’t want you to experience whatever pain caused it to form in the first place, but it does this in a maladaptive way that ultimately holds us back. And this is the case for many of our parts.
In my investigation of my own parts, I’ve discovered many that have a maladaptive way of protecting me. Here are a couple that are most disruptive:
Freeze - When things get really stressful, a part of me comes in like a firefighter to take control of the situation and causes me to freeze. When this happens, I can’t form a thought or put words together. As a reaction to freeze, another firefighter tries to jump in and that one is panic. Panic gets me to run away. Now that my awareness is high that this is happening, I can create space between my “self” and this part, and quickly get myself centered and back to a place where I can think. Panic doesn’t have to step in, although I still feel it just below the surface.
Anxiety - This part is often present and tries to manage my day by using fear to control my actions. When I’m blended with this part, I am hesitant to act as it wants me to keep my head down and not get noticed. Sometime in the past around the age of 10, getting noticed meant that I could potentially be targeted by someone who wanted to do me harm. Now that I’m almost 50, the 10 year old still feels like it has to protect me, so my job is to unburden him by letting him know I am fully capable of managing things and he no longer has to take on the role of trying to keep me safe.
I have many other parts that all feel they have a job to do to protect me, but the way they do it can potentially hold me back. The work is to form a relationship with each of them, be as aware as possible throughout my day so I know when I’m blended with one of them, and as quickly as I can, return to self.
In regards to my coaching practice, this is something that I can now teach others how to do while using Presence-Based Coaching as the underlying framework. I can’t really put into words how wonderful it’s been to watch my clients start to wake up to themselves using this container.
Coming Out of Illness
Speaking of having to do my own parts work, I noticed something was off around mid-October. I wasn’t feeling myself and started to feel quite a bit of anxiety. I tried to excuse it away and leaned heavily into my wellness practices, but after about a month of doing that it was clear that I needed help and couldn’t do this on my own.
To be honest, a part of me felt like I failed. I had been off of my SSRI for more than a year and a half, and credited psychedelics for helping me with that. Now I was right back to feeling what I had felt 23 years ago.
Long story short, I ended up getting in to see a psychiatrist (via the emergency room at the hospital because every doctor I called was booked up for the next 3-6 months - our healthcare system is broken obviously) and got back on my meds.
What I learned from this experience is that I now look at mental health as occupying two spaces - “Mind” and “Brain.”
Mind can be ill if something traumatic happens to us. New neural connections form and go into overdrive trying to keep us safe. PTSD is a form of mind illness. Therapy, including psychedelic therapy, works on this aspect of mental illness.
Brain has to do with chemistry. No amount of wellness or self-help can fix a brain chemistry issue. I happen to have a brain chemistry where I get low on serotonin, so I have a strong somatic reaction where my body goes on high alert. My mind knows nothing is wrong, and that I'm safe, but my brain and body don’t know that because of the chemical imbalance.
The other aspect of this particular dynamic is that when my body has this somatic response, the part of me that is OCD comes in and tries to protect me. We then have a situation where the two go to battle. One ratchets things up, and then the other follows suit, and so on and so on…
As challenging as the last three months have been, I learned so much about myself and my mental illness. I have a new perspective on what healing looks like, and feel I have a better understanding of who should pursue psychedelic treatments and who should seek other routes.
I’m still in the healing process, but most days I’m feeling like I’m back to normal. When I used to give talks about my journey with mental illness, the number one thing I wanted people to take away was to get help as soon as you notice something is off. The time it takes to go from ill to healthy takes much, much longer than if you get help right away. It took a few weeks before I had the wherewithal to seek out help, but I’m grateful that I did as this should be a just few months of getting the meds right and seeing my new IFS therapist who is helping me heal the parts (mind) that want to go to battle with my brain and body to get over the most intense aspects of this, instead of three years like it took when I was in my late 20s.
As I often say, this healing will be a lifelong process, but it doesn’t have to be filled with suffering. It can actually be joyful and fulfilling as it’s all a part of helping me build an awareness about myself.
Ketamine Retreats
I’m still working on nailing down dates for the ketamine retreats I’ll be leading. I was hoping to have more info on this coming into 2025, but it’s taking a bit more time than I thought it would, and I’m okay with that. I’ve learned not to rush these things and just let them come together when the time is right.
This was another long-winded update, so I’ll stop here and let you get back to it.
As always, if there’s anyone you think might benefit from working with me, I’d love any and all intros you’re willing to make.
Wishing you a wonderful and happy 2025, and if there's anything I can be helpful with, please don't hesitate to reach out.
Cheers,
Matt
