2024 Prairiesattva Update Q4
Hello!
Hope you're all doing well and are enjoying the change of seasons. I say that and also honor that for some this has been an incredibly challenging time.
Whether you've been impacted by extreme weather, devastating war, or anxiety around the upcoming elections here in the States (some of us may feel the impact of all three at once), I’m thinking of you and send word that I too am struggling with the weight of everything that’s going on.
Even with all the tools and practices I’ve accumulated over the years, I readily admit that some days it feels like too much to bear. That’s a reminder to myself to lean into self-care, and that it’s okay to turn off the TV or take a break from doomscrolling.
I find that time in nature is an amazing remedy. It has this wonderful way of allowing me to disconnect from external struggles and reconnect internally with myself. Just going on a walk works wonders.
That said, I hope that whatever you’re currently dealing with, you’re giving yourself permission to lean into self-care. Your future self will thank you for it.
Now onto some things I’m working on this quarter…
TL;DR
Started IFS training. It’s going really well and opening up new ways on how I coach.
Working on setting up ketamine retreats next year. Hope to do 3 or 4 next year.
Starting a new online men’s group to explore concepts of mature masculinity.
4-year anniversary of Prairiesattva. Shifting more into new areas of practice by leaning more into psychedelic-assisted coaching and group work.
IFS Training
I mentioned last quarter that I was diving into the world of Internal Family Systems and that I hoped to be selected as one of the first 80 coaches to go through a foundations training with the IFS Institute.
Well, I’m happy to say that my application met the requirements the Institute established and that I was able to enroll in the course once enrollment opened up. I heard from other coaches who tried to enroll within just an hour or two of it opening, but the class filled up so fast they missed out.
I feel very grateful to get in on this first training and am excited to start putting what I’m learning into practice. I can already see the impact this will have on my coaching as it invites a new level of inquiry for my clients.
A quick example of how IFS works in coaching would be if a client is struggling to make a decision about something. They might say, “A part of me feels I should do X, and another part of me is telling me that’s stupid and why would I ever do something so dumb.”
IFS is often called “parts work” and you can see how most of us already speak this way. Saying “A part of me…” is something we might be used to saying and recognize that there’s an internal tension that exists inside of us. What we don’t recognize before coming to this work is that these “parts” aren’t us, but are actually there to protect us. They’re often formed when something significant happens to us in childhood and work to keep us safe our entire lives.
In the example I gave above, there’s a very real part that would like to do one thing, but another part arises that feels threatened if we were to go ahead with that decision. In this case, there’s a part that’s an inner critic and usually gets its way. If this part is never explored, then it keeps showing up and holding us back. That part is a wounded child that keeps showing up at the most inopportune times.
In a coaching context, we do what’s called parts mapping. It’s an exploration into all the parts we have in our internal family so that we can develop a relationship with them. We specifically look for parts that are “managers” and “firefighters.”
Managers do exactly that - manage our day-to-day. We’re really blended with them, so much so that we think we are them. Firefighters come up in extreme situations. That sudden burst of anger is a firefighter. Their role is to get the situation under control as fast as possible, even if that means it’s expressed in a really bad way.
Once these managers and firefighters are named, we can start to form a relationship with each of them. More than anything, it’s about having awareness that they exist and when they show up how to work with them.
Many of you are familiar with the check-in exercise. This takes that a step further. We follow the same first steps as a check-in: 1. Name what you’re feeling. 2. Notice where you feel that in your body.
Using the IFS model, step 3 is naming the part that has emerged and unblending from it. We want to create separation from it so that we aren’t reacting from the point of view of the part. In IFS speak we say, “We want to speak for the part, not from it.”
So instead of saying, “I’m really angry” we can now say, “A part of me is really angry.” When this shift happens we can then explore what triggered the anger and rather than give into it and let it hijack our nervous system.
Step 4 is to thank it for showing up to protect you, tell it you got this, and ask it to step back while you work through the issue. This takes a lot of practice and there’s a ton that needs to be unpacked to get to this place, but that’s the basic gist of it.
Once you have literacy around all your parts, then it’s easier to make those decisions that are best for you. You learn to work with your parts instead of against them. The internal tension diminishes and a general sense of freedom arises. You become self-led, rather than parts-led.
Retreats
I’m currently working on putting together a series of ketamine retreats for next year. I’ll most likely host one or two close to Omaha, and another one or two in Southern Colorado.
I’m also working on putting together a retreat using other plant-medicine modalities.
I’m really excited about this group approach to working with these medicines as so much healing happens during a communal experience. If you’re interested in learning more, let me know I’ll keep you updated as things progress.
Online Men’s Group
This year I put together a once-a-month in-person men’s group to facilitate a discussion around the concept of mature masculinity using the four main male archetypes as a guide. The book King Warrior Magician Lover is the text driving this effort. I wanted to test to see if this was something guys would be interested in and if so, create a safe space for them to be vulnerable and open up about what it means to be male in our current era.
What I’ve learned so far is that guys are eager to have this discussion with other men. Many of the examples they’ve seen throughout their lives are the shadow (toxic and immature) side of masculinity, and good role models are hard to come by.
I’m now ready to take this online. My goal is to start a group sometime after the first of the year that will run for 12 sessions. I’m hoping for 5 participants, but will cap participation at 8 so the group stays small and intimate. The goal is to come away with a clear understanding of the four archetypes and build awareness around how the shadow aspects show up in us so we’re able to attune ourselves to the mature aspects.
We’ll meet two hours every other week on a Wednesday evening over zoom. The cost will be $500/individual for the 12 session group. If you or anyone you know is interested in joining, feel free to let me know.
Growth & Development Coaching
Yesterday was the four year anniversary of me leaving Techstars and hanging my shingle as a growth and development coach. It’s crazy how fast the last four years flew by.
I have a tendency to do a lot of reflection around anniversaries or birthdays, and as I was thinking about the last four years, the first thought that came up was how grateful I am that I get to do this and that people trust me enough to walk them through the coaching journey. It’s been an absolute honor and privilege to do this work and watch the transformation clients go through when they invest in themselves in this way and work on themselves. As I always say, I’m not the one facilitating change, the client is. I just hold the container.
And after four years, I’m coming to terms with the fact that for the most part, my referral network has dried up. So I’m having to take a long hard look in the mirror and see what the next four years bring. Being a former marketer, I happen to really dislike marketing, especially marketing myself. And the truth is that marketing in coaching rarely, if ever, brings results. Coaching is referral-driven and if you can’t keep the referral flywheel going you’re eventually going to sputter out.
I’ll always be open to this kind of coaching, and will continue to accept clients looking for it, but I’m feeling more and more pulled toward doing group work and psychedelic-assisted coaching. There’s such a strong healing aspect of this work that feels aligned with where I’m at as I step in my 50s and 6th decade of life. Helping people access their own inner healer to heal themselves is truly transformational work. Looking back over the years it makes sense that I got to where I am, but it still feels a little unreal. I guess that’s what happens when you try to stay open to the possibilities of the Universe.
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This was a rather long-winded update, so sending you much gratitude if you made it this far. As always, if there’s anyone you think might benefit from working with me, I’d love any and all intros you’re willing to make.
Wishing you a wonderful Q4, and if there's anything I can be helpful with, please don't hesitate to reach out.
Cheers,
Matt
